印度对包办婚姻的态度正在改变。但也有人说还不够快

2020-11-19 11:31

India's attitude to arranged marriage is changing. But some say not fast enough iS0世界播

印度对包办婚姻的态度正在改变。但也有人说还不够快iS0世界播


暂无iS0世界播


New Delhi, India Ananya was 15 when she watched her older sister marry a man she barely knew. iS0世界播

印度新德里,阿南娅15岁的时候,她看着姐姐嫁给了一个她几乎不认识的男人。iS0世界播


Her sister was 19 years old at the time, and had only met her new husband once before, a few months earlier. They'd talked a handful of times on the phone. iS0世界播

她的妹妹当时19岁,几个月前只见过她的新丈夫一次。他们在电话里谈过几次。iS0世界播


"My oldest sister's marriage was traditional. I don't think she was prepared and she didn't seem to be that happy bride ... I think 19 is too young to get married," says Ananya, who requested to use an alias to discuss personal family matters. iS0世界播

“我大姐的婚姻是传统的。我不认为她做好了准备,她看起来也不是那个幸福的新娘……我认为19岁还太小,不能结婚,”Ananya说,她要求使用化名讨论个人家庭问题。iS0世界播


Ananya's parents chose her sister's husband, as well as partners for her two other sisters, who got married when they were 22 and 26 years old. Now aged 30, Ananya knows that her family would love her to settle down with a spouse. She's not so sure. iS0世界播

安娜娅的父母选择了她姐姐的丈夫,以及她另外两个姐妹的伴侣,她们分别在22岁和26岁时结婚。现年30岁的安娜娅知道,她的家人希望她能和配偶定居下来。她不是很确定。iS0世界播


Either way, she says she will have more control over her future than her sister. iS0世界播

不管怎样,她说她会比她姐姐更能掌控自己的未来。iS0世界播


Arranged marriages are still the norm in India, but there's a growing trend for some women to choose their own partners -- or to not marry at all. Technology is also replacing traditional methods of matchmaking. Instead of relying on family connections, many young Indians and their parents are turning to online marriage sites to find a partner. iS0世界播

包办婚姻在印度仍然是一种常态,但一些女性选择自己的伴侣--或者根本不结婚--的趋势越来越大。科技也正在取代传统的婚介方式。许多印度年轻人和他们的父母不再依赖家庭关系,而是转向在线婚姻网站寻找伴侣。iS0世界播


While the methodology may be modernizing, many young Indians still say the old measures of compatibility -- such as caste and complexion -- are discriminatory and need to go. iS0世界播

虽然这种方法可能正在现代化,但许多印度年轻人仍然表示,种姓和肤色等旧的兼容性衡量标准是歧视性的,需要废除。iS0世界播


How arranged marriage works iS0世界播

包办婚姻是如何运作的。iS0世界播


Arranged marriages date back centuries as a way for upper caste families to maintain their status and consolidate assets. Over time, the system spread to other communities for similar reasons. iS0世界播

包办婚姻可以追溯到几个世纪前,作为上层种姓家庭保持地位和巩固资产的一种方式。随着时间的推移,由于类似的原因,这个系统传播到了其他社区。iS0世界播


Traditionally, families would write up a resume of their children's vital statistics -- weight, height, complexion and caste -- and share the list with the parents of prospective partners. Lists can also be shared with family friends, a local priest or even a paid matchmaker of the kind featured in Netflix's hit show "Indian Matchmaker," although that is increasingly rare. iS0世界播

传统上,家庭会写下孩子的重要统计数据--体重、身高、肤色和种姓--的简历,并与未来伴侣的父母分享这份名单。名单也可以分享给家人朋友、当地牧师,甚至Netflix热门节目《印度媒人》中的有偿媒人,尽管这种情况越来越少见。iS0世界播


In the past, such information may have been confined to that inner circle, but now it's often also on the internet for the world to see. iS0世界播

在过去,这样的信息可能只限于核心圈子,但现在它也经常出现在互联网上,让世界看到。iS0世界播


Matrimonial sites function in a similar way to dating sites, encouraging users to post their personal information to find a match. But while dating site bios are typically fun and witty, the information shared on a marriage site is much more personal. Occupation, income, religion and caste are all listed. For women, the post might also specify their weight, body type and complexion. iS0世界播

婚恋网站的功能类似于交友网站,鼓励用户发布他们的个人信息来寻找伴侣。不过,虽然交友网站的简历通常是有趣和诙谐的,但在婚恋网站上分享的信息却更加个人化。职业、收入、宗教和种姓都列了出来。对于女性来说,这篇帖子可能还会详细说明她们的体重、体型和肤色。iS0世界播


Many families see such data as crucial for a successful match, but more liberal Indians view some criteria -- particularly caste and complexion -- as discriminatory. iS0世界播

许多家庭认为这样的数据对成功的婚姻至关重要,但更自由的印度人认为一些标准--特别是种姓和肤色--是歧视性的。iS0世界播


"You're made to feel like cattle. You're dehumanized to such an extent and I don't think the families even realize this," said Mira, a 26-year-old lawyer who lives in New Delhi. She requested to use a pseudonym to avoid offending her family. iS0世界播

26岁的米拉(Mira)是一名住在新德里的律师,她说:“你被弄得像头牛。你被非人化到了如此程度,我认为这些家庭甚至都没有意识到这一点。”她要求使用化名,以免冒犯家人。iS0世界播


"When you are reduced to a set of qualities on a piece of paper, and I'm sure this holds true for men as well, it's profoundly objectifying and that's what puts me off the whole thing," she said. iS0世界播

她说:“当你被简化为一张纸上的一系列品质时,我确信这也适用于男人,这是一种深刻的客观化,这就是让我对整件事产生反感的原因。”iS0世界播


Finding a partner iS0世界播

寻找合作伙伴。iS0世界播


If a match is made -- either through a marriage site or word of mouth -- the prospective couple often then have a handful of "dates," usually chaperoned by family members. The couple are then expected to make a decision on whether to marry. iS0世界播

如果配对--无论是通过婚姻网站还是口口相传--未来的情侣通常会有几次“约会”,通常是由家庭成员陪同。然后,这对夫妇将决定是否结婚。iS0世界播


While there are similarities with dating in the West, these marriages are not considered "love marriages," the union of two people who have fallen for each other. But these modern arranged marriages give the individuals involved more power than they might have had in the past. iS0世界播

虽然在西方与约会有相似之处,但这些婚姻并不被认为是“爱情婚姻”,即两个彼此坠入爱河的人的结合。但这些现代包办婚姻赋予了当事人比过去更大的权力。iS0世界播


For instance, when Ananya was 25 she was asked to compile her own biodata -- years ago, her family might have done it for her. "I remember it was like making a CV and I sent it to my dad who forwarded it," she said. iS0世界播

例如,当安娜娅25岁的时候,她被要求编辑她自己的生物数据--几年前,她的家人可能会为她做这件事。她说:“我记得这就像是做了一份简历,我把它寄给了我爸爸,他把它转发了。”iS0世界播


Ananya was already living a relatively modern life. She had moved away from her home city of Jaipur in Rajasthan state to the Indian capital, New Delhi, where she works for an arts events management company. iS0世界播

安娜娅已经过上了相对现代的生活。她从拉贾斯坦邦的家乡斋浦尔搬到了印度首都新德里,在那里她为一家艺术活动管理公司工作。iS0世界播


After the information was exchanged, a family from a city near Jaipur approached her father about the possibility of marriage, but with the condition that their daughter-in-law would either stay at home or join the family business. iS0世界播

信息交换后,斋浦尔附近一个城市的一个家庭找到她的父亲,询问结婚的可能性,但条件是他们的儿媳要么呆在家里,要么加入家族企业。iS0世界播


"I found this strange because I was very clear about being independent. He said no to them -- but only told me later," she said. iS0世界播

她说:“我觉得这很奇怪,因为我很清楚要独立。他拒绝了他们--但后来才告诉我。”iS0世界播


Ananya said her success outside the family home had helped to convince her father that there was no need for her to rush into marriage. iS0世界播

Ananya说,她在家庭之外的成功帮助说服了她的父亲,她没有必要仓促结婚。iS0世界播


"He's seen that I manage my own life and I work," she said. "Every year or so, they do ask when I want to take the decision to get married. It's in a concerned way, but casual -- not that you have to do this." iS0世界播

“他看到我管理自己的生活和工作,”她说。“大约每一年,他们都会问我想什么时候决定结婚。这是一种令人担忧的方式,但很随意--并不是说你必须这么做。”iS0世界播


Making the right choice iS0世界播

做出正确的选择。iS0世界播


In the past, parents made most of the decision-making around their children's nuptials. Couples were told who they were to marry and the event was celebrated at a typically big Indian wedding. iS0世界播

在过去,大多数决策都是由父母围绕孩子的婚礼做出的。新人们被告知他们将嫁给谁,这一事件是在典型的印度婚礼上庆祝的。iS0世界播


"Today, the parties seeking to get married have substantial say in whether to say yes or no to one or more proposals," said Amitrajeet A. Batabyal, the Arthur J. Gosnell Professor of Economics at the Rochester Institute of Technology. iS0世界播

罗切斯特理工学院(Rochester Institute Of Technology)亚瑟·J·戈斯内尔(Arthur J.Gosnell)经济学教授阿米特拉吉特·A·巴塔巴亚尔(Amitrajeet A.BatabYal)说,“如今,想结婚的人对一个或多个求婚有很大的发言权。”iS0世界播


Sanjay Chugh, a psychiatrist and therapist in New Delhi, who has worked with couples for 35 years, said young Indians are taking advantage of the arranged marriage system to meet people -- and they're spending more time getting to know each other before exchanging vows. iS0世界播

新德里的精神病学家和治疗师桑杰·丘格(Sanjay Chugh)在夫妻方面工作了35年,他说,印度年轻人正在利用包办婚姻制度结识朋友,他们在交换誓言之前花了更多的时间相互了解。iS0世界播


"Arranged marriages are a system here and it's not going away in a hurry," said Chugh. "The difference now is that it serves as an introduction to a prospective bride or groom and people meet five or six times. Usually the chances when you've met that many times, you're going to go ahead with it." iS0世界播

丘格说:“包办婚姻在这里是一种制度,它不会一下子消失。”“现在的不同之处在于,它是对未来新娘或新郎的介绍,人们会见五六次面。通常情况下,当你们见了那么多次面的时候,你就会去做。”iS0世界播


Pallavi -- not her real name -- said this modern approach to an arranged marriage worked well for her. She spent six months getting to know her husband, who was introduced by a family friend. iS0世界播

帕拉维(化名)说,这种现代的包办婚姻方式很适合她。她花了六个月的时间结识了她的丈夫,她的丈夫是由她家的一位朋友介绍认识的。iS0世界播


"We met, our families met. We clicked and decided to go ahead with it. On the same day, both sides said yes," Pallavi said. iS0世界播

帕拉维说:“我们见过面,我们的家人也见过面。我们一拍即合,决定继续进行这件事。就在同一天,双方都答应了。”iS0世界播


She wasn't under any pressure to get married and could have broken off the engagement at any time. iS0世界播

她没有任何结婚的压力,随时都可以解除订婚。iS0世界播


"My parents were very relaxed. It was up to me to get married or not," she said. iS0世界播

她说:“我的父母非常放松。结婚与否由我决定。”iS0世界播


The evolution of arranged marriages iS0世界播

包办婚姻的演变。iS0世界播


In a country as vast and diverse as India, experiences of finding love range from the staunchly traditional to modern romance. But broad trends are emerging that suggest times are changing. iS0世界播

在印度这样一个幅员辽阔、千姿百态的国家,寻找爱情的经历从坚定的传统爱情到现代浪漫,应有尽有。但广泛的趋势正在浮现,表明时代正在发生变化。iS0世界播


In the past 30 years, the average age for a woman to marry has risen from 19.3 years in 1990 to 22.3 years in 2018. There are differences based on where women live. For example, in rural regions the average age of marriage was 21.8 years in 2019, but 23.4 years in urban areas, according to a government survey. iS0世界播

在过去的30年里,女性的平均结婚年龄从1990年的19.3岁上升到2018年的22.3岁。根据女性居住地的不同,这一点也有所不同。例如,根据一项政府调查,2019年农村地区的平均结婚年龄为21.8岁,而城市地区的平均结婚年龄为23.4岁。iS0世界播


Women's participation in the labor force also fell over roughly the same period -- between 1993-94, the labor force participation rate of urban women aged from 15 to 19 was 142 per 1,000, according to government data. Less than a decade later, that figure had dropped to 89 per 1,000. iS0世界播

与此同时,女性劳动力参与率也有所下降--根据政府数据,1993-94年间,15岁至19岁的城市女性劳动力参与率为每千人142人。不到10年后,这一数字降至每1000人中有89人。iS0世界播


There are different theories for that, including a weaker job market. But one of the reasons is that more Indian women are staying in education for longer. Some are then going onto university and gaining degrees, which gives them more options beyond getting married. iS0世界播

对此有不同的说法,包括就业市场疲软。但其中一个原因是,越来越多的印度女性接受教育的时间更长。一些人随后将进入大学并获得学位,这让他们在结婚之外有了更多的选择。iS0世界播


"There's been a natural progression, and finances and money give someone more confidence. Women have more control of their own lives," according to Nisha Khanna, a New Delhi-based psychologist and marriage counselor. iS0世界播

新德里的心理学家和婚姻顾问尼莎·卡纳说:“这是一个自然的过程,金钱和金钱会给人带来更多的自信。女性对自己的生活有了更多的掌控,”新德里的一位心理学家和婚姻顾问尼莎·坎纳(Nisha Khanna)说。iS0世界播


"The patriarchal structure of society is slowly changing. Women are becoming more assertive, whether it's in terms of needs of physical intimacy or financial matters. They're becoming more outspoken, they're becoming more equal," she said. iS0世界播

她说:“社会的父权结构正在慢慢改变。女性正变得更加自信,无论是身体上的亲密关系还是经济上的需要。她们正变得更加直言不讳,变得更加平等。”iS0世界播


Maybe never iS0世界播

也许永远不会。iS0世界播


Mira, the young New Delhi lawyer, is not sure if she'll ever marry. iS0世界播

新德里的年轻律师米拉(Mira)不确定自己是否会结婚。iS0世界播


She says her perspective on marriage -- and life more broadly -- changed when she left home for the city, where she met people from different backgrounds and castes. iS0世界播

她说,当她离开家来到这座城市时,她对婚姻和更广泛的生活的看法发生了变化,在那里她遇到了来自不同背景和种姓的人。iS0世界播


Mira's family is from Amritsar, a small city in the northern state of Punjab. They hold the traditional view that young women should settle down and start a family. iS0世界播

米拉的家人来自旁遮普邦北部的小城市阿姆利则。他们持有年轻女性应该安定下来组建家庭的传统观点。iS0世界播


"I was reared to be a wife, there's no two ways about it. Even small things like running the house or making sure things are in order, those things are ingrained in me," Mira said. iS0世界播

米拉说:“我从小就被教育成为一名妻子,这是没有两种方式的。即使是像管理家务或确保一切井然有序这样的小事,这些事情在我心中也根深蒂固。”iS0世界播


She said she was brought up to want to get married, but is now "unlearning" that expectation. iS0世界播

她说,她从小就想结婚,但现在正在“忘记”这种期望。iS0世界播


"Every year, I push it forward is just rebellion," Mira said. "Because I'm 26, I'm at this dangerous age where my family really want to see me get married in the next two years because, of course, you can't be 30 and unmarried. It's like the sky will fall or something." iS0世界播

米拉说:“每一年,我都把它向前推进,这只是一种反叛。”“因为我26岁,所以我的家人很想在接下来的两年里看到我结婚,因为,当然,你不可能30岁还没有结婚。这就像天要塌下来一样。”“因为我已经26岁了,我的家人真的很想看到我在接下来的两年里结婚。”iS0世界播


"Who knows? Maybe at 30, I will feel lonely and my friends will have partners, houses and kids, maybe it will get to me then, but I hope the process of unlearning pays off. iS0世界播

“谁知道呢?也许在30岁的时候,我会感到孤独,我的朋友们会有伴侣、房子和孩子,也许那时我会受到影响,但我希望遗忘的过程是值得的。”iS0世界播

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