你如何打破创伤纽带和联系自闭症患者的需要? Essay Dolan 这样说...

2020-11-19 20:07

How do you break a trauma bond and the need to contact a Narcissist? 4db世界播

你如何打破创伤纽带和联系自闭症患者的需要?4db世界播


Answered by: Essay Dolan,PhD candidate in philosophy 4db世界播

答题人:哲学博士生杜兰(Asse Dolan)4db世界播


Here is what I did. . . it is not without major risks. . . 4db世界播

这就是我所做的。。。这并非没有重大风险。。。4db世界播


Blocked him from social media and did NOT look into his life AT ALL. Unless someone passes on news that he is not doing well, I do not want to know what is going on in his wretched (however it appears) life. That has helped. 4db世界播

屏蔽了他的社交媒体,根本不关注他的生活。除非有人告诉我他过得不好,否则我不想知道他悲惨(不管看起来怎样)的生活是怎么回事。这起到了帮助作用。4db世界播


Sent a whole whackload of notes laying out what he’d done and how deeply he had hurt me, and how he’s also harmed my son as well. That was like a series of victim impact statements. It was helpful, in part, as he didn’t respond. Eventually, he did respond. His response was so over-the-top idiotic that it was helpful and led me to attempt a real no-contact. I broke that a few times to send additional pained / horrified notes and to attempt to sort out some kind of child support / help paying for the therapy I needed after his abuse left me with PTSD. 4db世界播

他发了一大堆纸条,列明他做了什么,他伤害了我有多深,他也伤害了我的儿子。这就像是一系列的受害者影响陈述。这在一定程度上是有帮助的,因为他没有回应。最终,他做出了回应。他的回答太过愚蠢了,这对我很有帮助,让我尝试了一次真正的不接触。在他的虐待让我患上创伤后应激障碍(PTSD)后,我几次打破了这个记录,寄出了更多的痛苦/恐惧的纸条,并试图整理出某种儿童抚养费/帮助来支付我所需要的治疗费用。4db世界播


Against common advice, I began dating fairly quickly after the abusive relationship ended. Twice, I thought I’d found a decent man yet each time, that man was yet another narcissist. (I’m autistic; apparently we’re dark triad magnets. That is certainly true in my case. Working on it! In any case, back then, I was such a WRECK as a result of the abuse that a respectful and emotionally healthy man would never have touchd me — sexually — at that time given the deeply vulnerable state I was clearly in.) Though I initially hoped for more from those relationships, I was able to transfer quite a lot of the trauma bond onto these new men. (There were others, too.) They functioned like methadone. It was a fascinating experience. Fortunately for me I was lucky and didn’t get any infections from them. Once the narcissistic traits started coming out, I was able to see what was going on in a way that I hadn’t been able to do with the man who abused me. I was able to set and enforce boundaries. That helped me to heal. Because I was not at all in love with these men, they didn’t have much power at all to hurt me (not in the way I feared most, any way). 4db世界播

在这段虐待关系结束后,我不顾一般的建议,很快就开始约会了。有两次,我以为我找到了一个正派的男人,但每一次,那个男人都是另一个自恋者。(我是自闭症患者,显然我们是黑社会的吸铁石。在我的情况下,这当然是真的。正在努力!无论如何,在那个时候,我被虐待得一塌糊涂,在那个时候,考虑到我明显处于非常脆弱的状态,一个尊重我、情绪健康的男人永远不会在性方面接触我。)。虽然我最初希望从这些关系中得到更多,但我能够将相当多的创伤纽带转移到这些新男人身上。(还有其他人。)。它们的作用就像美沙酮一样。这是一次令人着迷的经历。幸运的是,我很幸运,没有受到任何感染。一旦自恋特征开始显现,我就能以一种我无法与虐待我的人一起做的方式看到正在发生的事情。我能够设定和执行界限。这帮助我痊愈了。因为我根本不爱这些男人,所以他们根本没有力量伤害我(无论如何,不是以我最害怕的方式)。4db世界播


DANCE DANCE DANCE. I began dancing, and recording myself while dancing. For these dances, I often put on an outfit. It’s a meditative experience for me. Fortunately for me, the recorded results are quite flattering which has helped to rebuild my self-image after my “life partner” did about everything in his power to diminish me and instill in me the notion that I’m a worthless burden that pretty much no one likes. That’s utter and complete bullshit. I just had some fun fuck dates with the man I found most attractive from all of the online dating pages I’ve been to. (I’m quite pleased with myself on that one! HA. That may seem shallow, but it is reassuring to me and the experience itself was really, really good. Nice memories and, it seems, more to come. We had loads of fun.) More recently, I’ve had a date with another beautiful man, which went really well, and led to a lovely follow-up note from him eager for a second date. Now that I am healthy, emotionally healthy men are indeed interested in me (and still, the narcissists keep coming too). As you work on healing, keep in mind that your abuser (I’m guessing. . . a charismatic sort) was drawn to you because you do have amazing traits. . . even if that same person went on to treat you like a worthless nothing. . . Build those traits up!!! Enjoy them! Make the most of them. 4db世界播

跳舞,跳舞,跳舞。我开始跳舞,一边跳舞一边录音。在这些舞会上,我经常穿上一套衣服。这对我来说是一次冥想的经历。对我来说幸运的是,记录下来的结果相当令人欣慰,这帮助我重建了自我形象,因为我的“生活伴侣”尽其所能贬低我,并向我灌输这样一种观念,即我是一个几乎没有人喜欢的毫无价值的负担。那是彻头彻尾的胡说八道。我刚刚和我去过的所有在线约会页面中最有魅力的男人他妈的约会过得很开心。(在这一点上我很满意!哈。这可能看起来很肤浅,但它让我安心,而且这段经历本身真的非常非常好。美好的回忆,似乎还会有更多。我们玩得很开心。)。最近,我和另一位帅哥约会,约会进行得很顺利,还收到了他渴望第二次约会的可爱的后续短信。现在我健康了,情绪健康的男人确实对我感兴趣(尽管如此,自恋者也在不断涌入)。当你致力于治疗时,请记住施虐者(我猜。。。魅力十足)被你吸引是因为你确实有令人惊叹的特质。。。即使那个人继续把你当成一个一文不值的人。。。建立起这些特质!好好享受吧!充分利用它们。4db世界播


I read A LOT and spent a fair bit of time here. When I was doing especially bad, the only way I could fall asleep was by taking two Benadryls and listening to podcasts (often about narcissistic abuse). Books and articles on Upward Spirals and on post-traumatic growth were especially encouraging to me. Recently, I attended a conference on addictions and recovery, which covered loads of relevant insights: do strength training, run, swim (effortfully), get into nature, improve your social supports, play an instrument, tour your city and explore your options to find the best fits for you (e.g., churches, social groups). . . . 4db世界播

我读了很多书,在这里花了不少时间。当我的情况特别糟糕的时候,我入睡的唯一方法就是吃两片苯那普林,然后听播客(通常是关于自恋性虐待的)。关于螺旋式上升和创伤后成长的书籍和文章对我来说尤其鼓舞人心。最近,我参加了一场关于成瘾与康复的会议,其中包含了大量相关的见解:力量训练、跑步、游泳(努力)、融入大自然、改善你的社会支持、演奏乐器、在你所在的城市巡回演出,探索你的选择,找到最适合你的(例如,教堂、社会团体)。。。。4db世界播


Doing meaningful work. I aim to weave silver linings out of various hells that I’ve endured. At the end of the day, I want to say THAT WAS HARD, but it was worthwhile. I survived and now I have grown and gained in wisdom that I can use to help others, and to better enjoy the rest of my life, while better and more thoroughly appreciating healthy, loving relationships. 4db世界播

做有意义的工作。我的目标是从我所忍受的各种地狱中编织出一线希望。归根结底,我想说这很难,但这是值得的。我活了下来,现在我已经成长并获得了智慧,我可以用它来帮助别人,更好地享受我的余生,同时更好地、更彻底地欣赏健康、充满爱的关系。4db世界播


TIME. 4db世界播

时间到了。4db世界播

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