What was the final straw, that made you leave your relationship with a covert narcissist?
Answered by: Nikki Reicha,Was married to a covert narcissist for a decade.
One day, I decided to not fight. Instead I would let him be who he needed to be. I was tired of the constant drama over the same damn things. He would bring the same topic up over & over (with silent treatments in between) until things went his way.
I’m laid back. I don’t mind going with the flow so I didn’t mind doing most things how he wanted. It just didn’t matter to me.
He’d always complain How boring that was. Peace & harmony = boring? Really?
Naturally he had to liven things up… ..find something to complain about. There had to be something he hadn’t completely taken control of…… ..EUREKA!!!
Money. (keeping in mind we each made close to 100k and Had little to no debt) He began checking the accounts first thing in the morning at 0500 and 5–10 throughout the day and then again at bedtime. If he got up in the middle of the night, you better believe he was on the iPad checking our accounts.
We’d agree on spending X amount for replacing a faucet. I’d send pictures of the items needed & the prices of each, while shopping. Then the receipt before I even left the parking lot. It was right at or under the amount which he was pleased about … ..until he wasn’t. Hed get home. Pissed off and giving the silent treatment… .seemingly out of nowhere. Then he’d TEXT from the other room that I had spent to much.
What in the actual fuck?!
It had escalated to the point that getting his approval & Making him part of the process was not enough. he would still beat that same poor dead horse.
It ended up being like this with everything I bought. His controlling ways had escalated to the point that I couldn’t even buy groceries right.
I went from being able to do everything right to not being able to do anything right. It was exhausting.
After a couponing trip to target (again he agreed to x amount, agreed to the list, etc) he ends up angry (as usual) and suggests we split bank accounts.
I said, “you talked so much trash about my ex and I having separate accounts and made it clear that’s not how couples behave. So. If you want to split our money, that’s the beginning of the end. We will split everything”
He dropped it.
Until A week later when I went over by $30 on groceries, because god forbid the kids and I have things we enjoy that isn’t husband approved.
This was strike 2. I said “look, if that’s what you want to do. Cool. But it’s the beginning of the end for us. We will split everything. If you bring it up again, I’ll do it. No problem”
3 weeks later. He brought it up again. Strike three. I was done fighting. I was ready to let him be who he needed to be.
I opened up my own account. Changed the direct deposit. Took over the Bill’s that were in my name (car insurance, home alarm, electric, etc and whatever other bill I had that was mine)
He realized what was happening. Naturally being a grown man and loving husband he ignores me.
I let him.
After a couple days … .still not talking he starts sleeping in the guest room.
I let him.
Couple more days pass hes still ignoring me and moves his clothes and belongings into the guest room.
I let him.
Now, usually I would stop all this nonsense on day one. I felt all this was ridiculous, just a waste of time. However, by this time I was so sick of the constant cloud of negativity, the constant childish silent treatment, the constant unnecessary dramatic nonsense that he was always creating that I had a healthy level of “don’t give a shit” supporting me.
Besides. I wanted to see how far his tantrum and pride would take him).
Another week passed (still had not said or text a word to me) when after work one day he lets me know he’s moving out and asks if that’s ok.
I replied, “I think it’s a good idea”
He is speechless. Tears start flowing. He walks out. He wasn’t expecting me to agree……
He moves a few days later. He wakes me from a nap. He’s crying and apologizing for all his wrong doings…… I heard this sobbing apologetic mess from him once before. He fooled me once… ..shame on him.
I felt disgusted that he put us through all of that because he had to find something “wrong” to focus on and to control. He just refused to be happy.
He moved himself and daughter into an apartment leaving me & my two sons in the house. Nice guy right? Left me to pay the mortgage & all the household bills.
Even when i was no longer able to work, and my pay was reduced by half… . I never asked him for help. He would offer, but I knew the cost of accepting anything from him. It was not worth it. I managed.
Some months after he moved, he & I went for a walk. with an obnoxious sly smile, he casually mentions… . he didn’t think I could make it on my own, with all those bills, without him. He thought he could just wait me out, that I would need his help. He never planned for moving to be permanent. Just to teach me a lesson.
He did all this to his loyal, faithful wife, step sons & daughter who were happy & thriving to show the world how valuable he was and how I couldn’t make it without him.
You can imagine his shock when he realized he was mistaken.
That was that. i stayed in the house for 15 months and paid everything on my own barely making it. Counting pennies. He lived in an apartment his household bills were 1/2 of mine and he now made twice as much.
I decided to move out of state which set him off. How dare I leave and live my own life!
Naturally, because he’s an entitle thief with no conscience he demanded we split the proceeds from the sell of our house 50/50. He took $30,000 that I paid due to a legal loophole. In hindsight I think that’s a small price to pay to never see him again.
3 years later I discovered the word narcissist and well… .here we are.