作为一名病人,最有趣的住院体验是什么? Michael Mieher 这样说...

2020-11-19 08:05

What is the funniest hospital experience as a patient? ftN世界播

作为一名病人,最有趣的住院体验是什么?ftN世界播


Answered by: Michael Mieher,Engineer, Teacher, ADHD ftN世界播

回答者:迈克尔·米赫(Michael Mieher),工程师、教师,多动症ftN世界播


As a ninth grader in to have my appendix out, the male nurse who came in to take me to surgery walked in fast, grabbed my chart, and looking at it said, “You’re the vasectomy. Right?” ftN世界播

作为一名九年级学生,来给我做阑尾切除手术的男护士飞快地走了进来,抓起我的病历,看着病历说:“你是输精管结扎术。”对不对?“。ftN世界播


I’ve got a scar in the right place, and my children are grown now, so it was probably just a joke. ftN世界播

我在正确的地方有一道伤疤,我的孩子们现在都长大了,所以这可能只是个玩笑。ftN世界播


But maybe what happened after surgery was funnier. ftN世界播

但也许手术后发生的事情更有趣。ftN世界播


My roommate Greg was two years younger, but seemed a decade wiser. Greg had cystic fibrosis, and was in for a collapsed lung. Again. He’d been in several times before. He was a character. The things he suggested to the nurses would have gotten him thrown out of most bars. However they seemed very tolerant and tried to hide their amusement. ftN世界播

我的室友格雷格比我小两岁,但看起来比我聪明十岁。格雷格患有囊性纤维症,肺部塌陷。再来一次。他以前来过好几次。他是个角色。他向护士提出的建议可能会让他被赶出大多数酒吧。然而,他们似乎非常宽容,并试图掩饰自己的乐趣。ftN世界播


My stitches had to be redone less than twenty-four hours after my surgery. I’d torn them laughing. Sorry. I have no memory of what he’s said, but we were at that giggle fit point where any noise would have us laughing. I do remember my mom leaving the room in tears from laughing more than once. ftN世界播

手术后不到24小时,我的针脚就不得不重新缝合。我让他们笑得前仰后合。抱歉的。我不记得他说了什么,但我们正处于咯咯地笑个不停的时候,任何声音都会让我们发笑。我记得我妈妈不止一次笑着哭着离开房间。ftN世界播


A few days after my surgery, I was supposed to walk slowly a few times a day up and down the hallway. Usually my mom did this with me, but one day Greg volunteered to help me. I don’t know what the hell the nurses were thinking. Up and down the hallway we slowly went. I steadied myself on his shoulder, and he pushed my IV stand. Every time we passed the nurses’ station, he’d stop and flirt with them with a style that I never in my adult life achieved. ftN世界播

手术后的几天里,我本应该每天在走廊里慢慢地走上走下几次。通常我妈妈会和我一起做这件事,但有一天格雷格自愿帮我。我不知道该死的护士在想什么。我们在走廊里慢慢地走来走去。我在他肩上站稳,他推了推我的静脉输液支架。每次我们经过护士站,他都会停下来和他们调情,这种方式我成年后从未做到过。ftN世界播


Greg convinced me to stand on the crosspiece base of the IV stand, and hold on to it. He got me up to running speed, and let me go just before the nurses’ station. The terrified AAAAAAAAAH I made going by was genuine. The three nurses flew down the hallway after me and quite frankly it’s a miracle they caught me before I wiped out. ftN世界播

格雷格说服我站在静脉支架的横档底座上,并紧紧抓住它。他让我跟上了速度,让我在护士站前走了。我听到的惊慌失措的声音是真的。三个护士跟着我飞奔而下,坦白地说,他们在我倒下之前抓住了我,这真是个奇迹。ftN世界播


They quickly figured out what happened because Greg came flying out of the nurses’ station, and ran for our room. He’d untied his gown in back, and was holding the corners straight out front improvising a loot bag for the dozen or so bars of iced cream he’d swiped from the fridge in the nurses’ station. This was apparently not his first big iced cream heist, nor the first time his little white butt had been displayed in public. ftN世界播

他们很快弄明白发生了什么,因为格雷格从护士站飞了出来,跑到我们的房间。他解开了后面的礼服,拿着前面的角落,即兴准备了一个抢劫袋,装他从护士站的冰箱里偷来的十几块冰激凌。这显然不是他的第一次冰激凌抢劫案,也不是他的小白屁股第一次在公共场合露面。ftN世界播


The nurses got me back into bed, and then proceeded to search the room with an efficiency honed by experience. The bathroom. The armoire. Under his blanket. Behind his pillow. Behind MY pillow. The anger they tried to show was clearly forced. I think they all loved him. I have no doubt that when they left the room they knew they hadn’t found all of them. ftN世界播

护士们把我抱回床上,然后开始搜索房间,效率得到了经验的磨练。洗手间。衣橱。在他的毯子下面。在他枕头后面。在我枕头后面。他们试图表达的愤怒显然是被迫的。我想他们都很喜欢他。我毫不怀疑,当他们离开房间时,他们知道他们没有找到所有人。ftN世界播


Shortly after they left he gave me a big grin, reached under his blanket into the nether regions, pulled out two iced creams, and tossed me my spoils. ftN世界播

他们离开后不久,他给了我一个大大的微笑,把手伸进毯子下面,拿出两个冰激凌,把我的战利品扔给了我。ftN世界播


Greg died several months later. Some stars shine long. Some stars shine bright. ftN世界播

格雷格几个月后去世了。有些星星会长时间发光。有些星星闪耀着明亮的光芒。ftN世界播

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