我背着结婚18年的丈夫和他自己的朋友偷情,两年后,我丈夫抓住了我。我怎样才能让他忘记这件事,让他原谅我,继续前进呢? Richard Burton 做出了回答

2020-10-14 18:05

I was cheating on my husband of 18 years with his own friend and after 2 years, my husband caught me. How can I make this go away from his mind and have him forgive me and move forward? EhP世界播

我背着结婚18年的丈夫和他自己的朋友偷情,两年后,我丈夫抓住了我。我怎样才能让他忘记这件事,让他原谅我,继续前进呢?EhP世界播


Answered by: Richard Burton EhP世界播

回答者:理查德·伯顿(Richard Burton)EhP世界播


I'm recycling an answer I gave someone else: EhP世界播

我在重复我给别人的答案:EhP世界播


You can get forgiven or you can stay married, but not both. You had no respect for him, or your marriage,and even the way you worded your question shows this. Once you are divorced. he can be free to find a quality woman who won't cheat on him; you'll be free to ride the C.C. all you want, and you'll each be happy. EhP世界播

你可以被原谅,也可以保持婚姻,但不能两者兼而有之。你不尊重他,也不尊重你的婚姻,甚至你提问的方式都表明了这一点。一旦你离婚了。他可以自由地找到一个不会欺骗他的高素质女人;你可以自由地骑你想要的任何CC,你们每个人都会很开心。EhP世界播


I am not sure if this marriage can be fixed. EhP世界播

我不确定这段婚姻能否修复。EhP世界播


I'm guessing that you not only cheated, but you lied to him the whole time. It's the lying in addition to scewing another man that compounds the damage. He now knows that he can't trust you. He can't believe anything you say to him. EhP世界播

我猜你不仅作弊,而且一直在骗他。除了偷窥另一个人之外,撒谎更是雪上加霜。他现在知道他不能信任你了。他不会相信你对他说的任何话。EhP世界播


Think of how hard it is to be in a relationship with someone like you: You say you're sorry? Maybe you're lying and you're not really sorry. EhP世界播

想想和你这样的人谈恋爱有多难:你说你很抱歉?也许你在撒谎,你并不是真的很抱歉。EhP世界播


You say you're not seeing the other man any more? EhP世界播

你说你再也见不到另一个男人了?EhP世界播


Maybe you're lying and you're still seeing him and simply hide it better. EhP世界播

也许你在撒谎,你还在和他交往,只是把它藏得更好。EhP世界播


You say you're going to the store? Maybe you're lying and sneaking off to see the other man. Or a new other man. Or a dozen. EhP世界播

你说你要去商店吗?也许你在撒谎然后偷偷跑去见另一个男人。或者是一个新的另一个男人。或者一打。EhP世界播


You say you're hanging out with friends? Maybe you're lying. Maybe you're ducking out to ride the C.C. EhP世界播

你说你要和朋友出去玩?也许你在撒谎。也许你是在躲避去搭乘CC。EhP世界播


You say you love your husband? Maybe you're lying and only saying that because you want a house to stay, food and clothing paid for, a car, insurance, health and dental covered. You would probably say you loved him the same hour you screwed another guy. EhP世界播

你说你爱你丈夫?也许你在撒谎,只是因为你想要房子留下来,食物和衣服付清,汽车,保险,健康和牙医保险。你可能会在和另一个男人上床的同时说你爱他。EhP世界播


You say you want to have sex with him? Maybe you're lying, or pretending your husband is the other man the whole time…… He knows that everything you ever told him “No" to trying in the bedroom , you enthusiastically and cheaply did it with your affair boyfriend, so he probably right now doesn't feel like you deserve any respect from him. You clearly sent him the message that you don't respect him or your marriage. If you believe that sentence I wrote is incorrect, you wouldn't be asking this on Quora. He received the message, loud and clear. EhP世界播

你说你想和他做爱?也许你在撒谎,或者一直在假装你的丈夫是另一个男人,……。他知道,无论你对他说“不”,不是在卧室里尝试,你都是热情地和你的外遇男友做的,所以他现在可能觉得你不值得他尊重。你显然给他发了一条信息,说你不尊重他,也不尊重你的婚姻。如果你相信我写的那句话是不正确的,你就不会在Quora上问这个问题。他清楚而响亮地收到了这条信息。(如果你相信我写的那句话是不正确的,你就不会在Quora上问这个问题)。他收到了这个信息,声音响亮而清晰。EhP世界播


You say your husband is important to you? Maybe you're lying and you're only with your husband because you can't have the other man. EhP世界播

你说你丈夫对你很重要?也许你在撒谎,你和你丈夫在一起只是因为你不能拥有另一个男人。EhP世界播


Every single thing you say to your husband, he's thinking one of the above thoughts. Every. Single. Time. EhP世界播

你对你丈夫说的每一句话,他都在想上面的一个想法。每个。单人间。时间到了。EhP世界播


Face it: you destroyed trust. It will take a long, long time of absolute honesty in every aspect of your life before he can trust you again.You think he can get over being cheated on AND learn to trust you? He probably resents you. Him loving YOU was not enough to keep you from cheating, so… ..ask yourself “What WOULD be enough to keep you from cheating?” (Hint: Look internal, not external.) EhP世界播

面对现实吧:你摧毁了信任。他需要很长很长一段时间在你生活的方方面面保持绝对诚实才能再次信任你。你认为他能从欺骗中走出来,学会信任你吗?他可能恨你。他爱你不足以阻止你出轨,所以…。..问问你自己“怎样才能让你不作弊呢?”(提示:看内部,不要看外部。)。EhP世界播


And let's be real: if he actually stays with you, you will lose even more respect for him. Your respect for him and the marriage was already zero, or else you wouldn't have cheated. That's a tough corner he's been put in: If he forgives you and keeps the marriage, you lose even more respect for him… ..and you WILL cheat again. If he does the right thing and leaves you, maybe you'll start to respect him but lost your marriage. Actually, you lost the marriage when you threw it away to cheat on him. EhP世界播

让我们实事求是地说:如果他真的和你在一起,你会失去对他更多的尊重。你对他和婚姻的尊重已经是零了,否则你就不会出轨了。这是他被置于一个艰难的角落:如果他原谅你并维持婚姻,你就会失去对他更多的尊重。…。..你会再次作弊的。如果他做了正确的事并离开了你,也许你会开始尊重他,但却失去了你的婚姻。实际上,当你为了欺骗他而把婚姻扔掉的时候,你就失去了这段婚姻。EhP世界播


He didn't do anything wrong, and he got 100% of the punishment. EhP世界播

他没有做错任何事,他得到了100%的惩罚。EhP世界播


To fix your marriage: suck it up and be prepared You have NO idea how much he is suffering right now. He isnt the guy you married anymore. He's not the guy you cheated on anymore. That person is dead, and YOU killed him. So get ready to spend YEARS or maybe a lifetime fixing what YOU broke, resulting in the consequences of what YOU did. EhP世界播

修复你的婚姻:忍气吞声,做好准备,你不知道他现在有多痛苦。他不再是你嫁的那个人了。他不再是你欺骗的那个人了。那个人死了,你杀了他。所以,做好准备,花几年甚至一辈子的时间来修复你弄坏的东西,从而导致你所做的事情的后果。EhP世界播


Oh, and if your attitude to him is "just get over it" then your marriage has no chance. EhP世界播

哦,如果你对他的态度是“忘了它”,那么你们的婚姻就没有机会了。EhP世界播


Happy to have helped EhP世界播

很高兴能帮上忙EhP世界播

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